i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
