So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Randomize
