They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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