i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
