Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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