the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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