happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
