I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
NoShamevember. You game?
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Who died my cat blue again?
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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