After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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