But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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