just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
