I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I lost the right to judge tonight
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
