toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
