Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Randomize
