I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
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