when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
The uberlube is also flammable
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
