Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
