Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
God, you're like boner-b-gone
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
