Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
