i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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