How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
