I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
