it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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