Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
