y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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