im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
