i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I was not drunk enough for that final.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
