I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
