Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize
