He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
