Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
We left an ass print on the piano.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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