I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
