after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Randomize
