break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I intend to get homeless drunk
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
