It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Is her dick bigger than yours?
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
