omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
