I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Found the puke drawer
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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