Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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