Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
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