I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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