No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
