im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
