I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
