This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
