alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Randomize
