We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
