I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
