dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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