it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
