those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
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