On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
