My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
