just come out here and I will go home with you...
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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