STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
